


In the Shadow of Fear

by lovetvfan



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 08:09:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4698632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovetvfan/pseuds/lovetvfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set just after "The Idiot's Lantern", the Doctor is forced to come to terms with the fact that he almost lost Rose and what that means to him.</p><p>I don't own these characters and I am not making any money off them. I just like to play with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The sun had begun to set on the night’s festivities. Rose Tyler watched with fascination as the people of 1953 Florizel St. celebrated the coronation of Queen Elizabeth with joy and wonder. 

To Rose it was history unfolding before her eyes. To them, it was the beginning of something wonderful, a moment of pride in their nation after all the hardships that had come before them. It was a moment in time that would never happen again – a moment that Rose was lucky enough to be a part of thanks to the Doctor. 

She watched him out of the corner of her eye. He was smack dab in the middle of it all, laughing and smiling as he danced with a small child of no more than five or six. She couldn’t suppress a smile as their eyes met, nor the tingle of electricity that always accompanied it. 

It was still the same – his smiles and those tingles. He’d changed so much in so many ways and yet that part of their connection never did. It was the only thing that still felt the same for her. 

And there was so much that was different about him – this night for example. Before he changed they might have stayed for a few moments, then hopped back into the TARDIS off to another time, another planet, another adventure.

He’d said before that he didn’t do domestic. He definitely hadn’t been happy to sit at home at the Powell Estates watching the telly when the Slitheen space ship had appeared to crash land right over their heads. He’d wanted to be out there, in the thick of it, watching history unfold, being part of the events. It had been thrilling before, and Rose loved it regardless of which version of the Doctor she was traveling with, but tonight she was happy to be staying even if it were only a few hours to enjoy the party. 

He may not have done domestic before, but now he seemed to be reveling in it. The personal touch, he had said. Not just seeing history, but being a part of it, at least for a brief moment. 

After losing Mickey, and what had happened to her face with the Wire, she had a feeling that both of them desperately needed this night, this connection. They’d mostly mingled with the locals the entire night, but their eyes had hardly left one another, even as they spoke and interacted with completely different people. He wasn’t letting her out of his sight and the idea of it caused Rose a little thrill of warmth and satisfaction. 

There were times when she was so sure of his feelings for her. Times when she just knew he felt the same attraction, the same longing for her that she did for him. And there were other times when he really felt like an alien to her, when she could see the centuries behind his eyes, and the weariness engulfing him. Those moments would pass and he would ultimately be back again, the same manic grin on his face that had accompanied both his incarnations. But she hadn’t forgotten that other part of him. And it was that part that always held her at arms length, never acting on the mutual desire she was sure existed between them. 

Tonight, it was overwhelming. Maybe it was because of what had happened with the Wire, but it felt like it was all coming to the surface when she thought of just how frightened she had been. The Wire had stolen her face and trapped her into that horrible television set. Even now, she could remember the confusion and the fear of being split in two…her conscious mind still in tact, but her face elsewhere, screaming for help, for the Doctor to save her. The memories wouldn’t last long, the Doctor had told her. They were like bad dreams…vividly remembered for maybe a day and then just a vague inclination of something unpleasant. 

Regardless of whether she’d remember them later, she remembered it now. She had never felt so helpless in her life. She knew the Doctor had saved her, knew he would always do whatever it took to save her so she couldn’t fault him anything. He had gotten her, and countless others back to their loved ones. The Doctor had come through for her again. 

She felt a rush of love for the man who had turned her life completely upside down and watched, unable to keep the grin from her face as he approached her, hand outstretched. 

“Dance with me?” His eyes sparkled with a mischievousness that tonight made him appear youthful and sexy. She couldn’t help but nod and allow him to take her by the hand, pulling her tightly against his lean body and swaying gently to the music. 

Someone from the neighbourhood played the guitar and had been serenading the crowd for the last few hours. It was all such a special night and Rose was glad they didn’t miss any of it – especially now that they were here, together and safe and in each other’s arms. 

She wanted to thank him, to tell him how much it all meant to her, but she was afraid if she spoke it would break the spell, so she kept quiet. Instead, she leaned her head against his shoulder and breathed a soft sigh of contentment. He was warm, and solid against her. It was in these rare moments that she truly felt a part of his life, a part of his heart in a way he so rarely let anybody be. 

And suddenly he was stroking the side of her face gently with his long fingers. It was not a casual gesture, but a sensual one. It was meant both to be tender and electrifying. Rose felt her pulse speed up at his touch and nuzzled her head against his neck to show her appreciation. 

She had no idea why he was being so wonderfully responsive to her but she wasn’t about to question it. It was something she’d been waiting for ever since she met him. 

Pulling back for a moment, she met his eyes and saw an intensity there that she hadn’t seen since before he changed. His gaze was affectionate, but haunted and his fingers had yet to leave her cheek. 

“Doctor?”


	2. Chapter 2

Her voice permeated his thoughts like sunlight breaking through the clouds. He had been enjoying himself tonight, but not without his share of dark thoughts, most of them to do with Rose. 

To say he was conflicted tonight was putting it very mildly. When he’d first saw her standing with the other victims of the Wire, he’d been unable to disguise his happiness and relief. They’d embraced, hugging one another tightly as always, but the hug, which had started out innocent enough, had become something else entirely by the time they broke apart. 

He’d just been so glad she was okay that he hadn’t been able to let her go, even after the hug had ceased to be a simple show of affection and had become something bordering on a desperate need to keep her close, keep her near him. Finally he’d pulled away, unable to meet her gaze, lest he do something crazy like kiss her, or tell her he loved her.

He did love her, that was never in question, but he’d always kept that declaration a secret. It was a lot easier to pretend that they were just really good friends than it was to deal with all the pain and heartache that would inevitably accompany a closer connection.

People left. It was a sad truth he had learned all too well over the centuries. Sometimes it was because it was simply time. Sometimes they died. And sometimes, well sometimes the changes in himself were too much for them to handle. Regeneration was a difficult thing for anyone but other Time Lords to comprehend. After nine hundred years, he had learned that lesson pretty irrevocably. And normally his control was impeccable. It had to be. 

Tonight, was different. It was one of the reasons he’d spent most of the night mingling with the locals, dancing with the children, laughing with the parents, discussing menial human things. His past self would have hated that, but he had quite enjoyed it and it had kept his mind off of Rose, and off of what had nearly happened to her. 

He’d nearly lost her. It was a thought that kept circling his mind, refusing to let go, refusing to leave him. 

He’d come close to losing her before. But not in this body…not as close as it had been this time. And it terrified him. He thought that because he’d healed somewhat since he first met her, that he could handle it if it came to that. He’d be upset…he’d be devastated, but he’d go on. He’d survive. 

But now he wasn’t sure. The anger he’d felt when he saw her face, stripped blank, her body abandoned, had consumed him. He’d been ready to tear the world apart in order to get her back. 

And now that he had her near him, he didn’t want to let her go. It was why he’d kept his distance during the party. He was afraid that if he got too close to her, he’d take things further with her than he should. And now, it looked as if he was doing just that. 

He’d been the one to offer his hand, to ask her to dance, to pull her close. He couldn’t have stopped himself if he had wanted to. And even more frightening, he hadn’t wanted to. 

He wanted to make sure she was still there, still tangible. He’d needed to touch her, to reaffirm to himself that he had been able to save her. He had been able to get her back.

When she’d smiled at him, agreed to dance with him, he’d been utterly lost. And here he was, holding her close, gazing at her face – a face he’d nearly lost forever and wanting nothing more than to touch it, to caress her cheeks, her eyes, her lips and know that she was his and no one else’s. 

It was stupid. It was idiotic. It would only get him hurt. 

But it was necessary. 

“Doctor?” she repeated, sounding slightly breathless. “What are you…?” 

“Rose,” her name left his lips almost as a sigh before he bent to kiss her, gently at first, then more deeply, more demanding.

He shouldn’t be doing this. There were a million and one reasons why he shouldn’t, but at this point he couldn’t think of a single one of them. All he could think about was the way she felt in his arms, the way she moaned into his kiss, the way she ran her hands through his hair, the way she pulled him closer, demanding more.


	3. Chapter 3

She was falling through time…just like he had described the day they met. There was no past, no future. Nothing existed beyond this moment. Nothing could ever feel as good. 

He was everything she had ever imagined. He was tender, and demanding, soft yet hard. His touch was everywhere, on her face, her neck, her shoulders. He was warm and passionate and unrelenting. There was emotion in his kiss that she had never felt with anybody before, a kind of desperate longing, a need that could never be filled. 

But she wanted to fill it. She wanted to get completely lost in him, in these feelings and never resurface. 

She wanted to remove his jacket, loosen his tie, and…

“Ooooh, look they’re kissing!” 

A young voice broke through the haze of passion and Rose had to fight to keep from crying out when the Doctor reluctantly broke away. 

She found herself blushing as the two of them turned to face the young child that had been watching them. A slight smattering of amused laughter accompanied the declaration, but was short lived as the focus returned to the party, which dwindled as the sun went down. 

The little girl was still staring however, and Rose found herself bending down to talk to her. 

“My name’s Rose,” she said smiling at her. 

“I’m Audrey,” the little girl declared proudly. Rose stared up for a brief moment to meet the Doctor’s gaze, but couldn’t read his expression. 

“Audrey…’s pretty,” she brushed a hair from the little girl’s face. “Your Mum or Dad around, Audrey? They must be lookn’ for you, yeah?” 

Audrey pointed towards a couple who was watching the conversation from a nearby picnic table. They smiled, as if to assure Rose it was okay that their daughter were over there talking to them and Rose nodded back. Audrey had made her way over to the Doctor and was tugging on his pant leg to get his attention. He looked down and smiled gently and Rose realized belatedly that Audrey was the little girl he’d been dancing with earlier. 

“Is she your girlfriend?” Audrey stared up at him, eyes wide and questioning. Rose watched with extreme amusement as the Doctor turned an endearing shade of red while he struggled for an answer. 

“Ahh, not really,” the Doctor replied delicately. He met her eyes nervously, obviously feeling this was dangerous territory. Rose couldn’t help but smile. 

“Then why did you kiss her?” Audrey’s face was scrunched up in a mask of confusion. The Doctor, normally so garrulous and eloquent stood there, struggling for an answer until finally he ran a hand through his oft unruly hair and fixed her with a smile. 

“Rose is a very good friend of mine,” he told her slowly as if willing the words to come. “My best friend actually. And something very bad almost happened to her today. I was very scared, so I kissed her to let her know that I would miss her very much if she wasn’t here.” 

Audrey wrinkled her nose at the explanation.

“Why couldn’t you just hug her?”

Rose almost giggled at the slightly panicked look on the Doctor’s face as he faced his small inquisitor. She held it back, if only because she knew there was an element of seriousness to the questions that made the Doctor frightened about answering them. He was obviously worried about the effect his answers would have on her feelings, which lead Rose to wonder just what it was that he thought she would expect from him from now on. 

She wasn’t an idiot. She knew the risks and dangers associated with falling in love with him. She knew there would be no white picket fences or PTA meetings in the future. She knew that even before she had met Sarah Jane Smith and received a bit of a wake-up call. 

Even after knowing he would outlive her, that he’d move on someday without her, Rose still wanted him. However she might try to deny it, she loved him. And she was willing to take whatever she could get from him, over not having him at all. Even if it broke her heart in the end, he was more than worth it. 

Despite the kiss only moments ago, it was obvious from their conversation with Audrey that he had reservations about deepening their relationship that way. No matter. She’d just have to convince him that she wasn’t looking for forever. She was looking for today. And today she wanted him. Today she loved him.

The Doctor was about to attempt another reply, when Audrey’s parents approached and took her hand. Telling the Doctor and Rose it was time for them to leave, they said their good byes and the two of them watched as the sun set completely and the rest of the neighbourhood gathered up the remnants of the party and went inside their respective homes. 

The Doctor and Rose stayed to help clean up, neither saying much as they did so, but both unable to forget the stolen moment they’d shared. Eventually they were the only two left and the silence between them stretched to awkward and almost unbearable levels. Rose had never felt so uncomfortable with him, not even after he first changed. She’d been frightened then, for the Doctor she’d thought she’d lost, but not uncomfortable. Once she realized it was indeed him, a certain level of familiarity had reasserted itself and she had been able to deal with the change as time passed. 

Now, it was like they were truly strangers, each not knowing how the other was going to react, and both afraid to speak first for fear of finding out.


	4. Chapter 4

They entered the TARDIS in a subdued manner. The Doctor wanted desperately to apologize for the kiss, for he knew it was the fault of it that their relationship was forever altered but he wasn’t quite sure how she would take it. The way she had reacted to him when he kissed her still had him warm in places he’d long thought cold. He wasn’t sure how he could possibly address it without wanting it to happen again. And it was a dangerous thing to want. Dangerous and hurtful to them both. 

He set to work immediately programming the TARDIS to take them as far away from planet Earth and 1953 as they could get. 

She was still watching him, a look on her face as if she were contemplating what to do next. Finally, she took a tentative step toward him and spoke. 

“Did you mean it?” Upon his inquisitive look, she took a deep breath and continued. “What you said to that little girl about why you kissed me…did you mean it?” 

He wasn’t quite sure what she was asking, which made it difficult to formulate an answer that would satisfy them both. He finally decided that this conversation would have to happen sometime so he might as well get it out of the way now and hope she would stay with him anyway. He nodded, knowing that at this point honesty was his only option. 

“Yes, I did.” 

Her face hardened, which surprised him. He thought she’d be pleased to know that his reasons for kissing her back there had been truthful. Instead she bit her lip and looked away. When she looked back at him, her voice was quiet. 

“So, you didn’t want to jus’…kiss me. You only did it because I almost died.” 

“Rose I…” he trailed off, knowing why she was disappointed, but unable to properly reassure her. He could tell her that he’d always wanted to kiss her, ever since they day he’d met her, but that wouldn’t help when he then told her that it couldn’t happen. “It doesn’t matter why. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Does it mean anything that I wanted to kiss you? Does any of it mean anything to you?” She was angry now and the Doctor felt horrible. He had started this, and it was up to him to put a stop to it. He had never meant to hurt her. 

“Of course it means something. And I did want to kiss you. I’ve always wanted to. But I shouldn’t have done that,” he repeated steadily. “It was a mistake.” 

“You keep sayn’ that, but you won’t tell me why!” She stepped closer to him now, her eyes flashing in a way that made him have to remind himself that he was trying to keep their relationship from getting too physical. Rather when she looked at him like that, all he wanted to do was pull her close and kiss all the hurt away until all they both felt was pleasure. 

 

“You know this can’t be forever. I’ve told you that. You humans…” 

“Wither, an’ die,” she repeated coldly. “Your exact words. Believe me I remember them, Doctor. ’S not like I can forget.” 

“Then you know. You have to know why this can’t work.” He hoped she did, hoped he wouldn’t have to spell it out. It was already hard enough. 

“What if I don’t care about that? What if I don’t need forever?” She reached out to touch him, but he stepped back, afraid of his own physical responses to her. “What if I just want the here and now, for as long as I can? Why can’t we have that?” 

He looked away, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He didn’t want to have to ask her this next question. He didn’t want to hear her answer. He had been perfectly happy to pretend that they could stay infinitely as best friends, traveling the universe together. But they couldn’t and now both of them were going to have to face truths he’d rather stay buried. 

“Were you attracted to me Rose? Before I changed, I mean?” He couldn’t meet her eyes, couldn’t see the expression in them. He didn’t want to know her answer either way, but there was no other choice. 

“What?” She sounded shocked, and he couldn’t blame her. 

“Were you attracted to me?” he repeated the question, only this time there was a nervous waver to his voice. 

She looked at him, as he tried desperately to avoid her gaze and knew there was more to this than was on the surface. It wasn’t a question he would normally ask her, she knew that. And he wasn’t looking for flattery either. He wasn’t a vain man, at least not when it came to his looks. There was something deeper in the question and something in her answer that he feared. 

“Doctor, what are you…what is this about?” 

“I have to know.” His voice was intense now, demanding. He was finally looking at her. “I wasn’t an attractive man before. I was too tall, looked old enough to be your Dad, hardly any hair and let’s face it the goofiest ears in the solar system. Were you attracted to me then despite that?”

“What do you think?” she asked him gently. She wasn’t about to correct his statement about his looks. On all counts he was right, but there was more to it than that. 

“I think…I think you were, but I’m not sure.” He admitted. 

“Yeah, I was,” she said quietly. At least she hadn’t been imagining that he knew, even before the change. The flirting, the attraction, it had always been there. It was comforting to know that much at least.

“Why?”


	5. Chapter 5

His question took her by surprise. Even though she knew this wasn’t a matter of vanity, it was still an odd conversation to have with the Doctor. How could she answer it? How could she tell him what it was about his former self that had made her warm inside whenever he smiled at her? How could she tell him that although goofy, she had loved his ears? How could she tell him that it was that intense expression, the way his every emotion played out on that unique face that made her want him even more? It wasn’t that he was handsome…both of them knew he wasn’t really. It was that he was a beautiful man in so many other ways. Angry, frightened, vulnerable, damaged and so very compassionate. All of that she could see in every part of him. All of that made him attractive to her. How could she explain that? What’s more, if she did, would it hurt his feelings to hear it now that he had changed?

“I dunno…what kind of a question is that? I jus’…was!” She shuffled her foot on the floor of the TARDIS, uncomfortable with the way he was looking at her, as if he could see right through her vague reply and into the heart of the truth.

“And now? Are you attracted to me now?” His voice was quiet again, almost frightened. She nearly laughed out loud at the question. Had he been there for the kiss? Didn’t he remember how she responded? How could he not know she wanted him? 

“You can’t be serious.” 

“I’ve never been more serious.” That much was true. He knew she didn’t like these questions, but they had to be asked. Had to be addressed. He had to know. 

“You know I want you now, Doctor.” She took a deep breath. “Just like I wanted you before. An’ that kiss we shared lets me know you want me.” 

“What about the next me?” His words were almost a mumble, but she managed to make them out. 

“What?” 

“I don’t age…I regenerate.” He stared intently at her, needing her to understand why the very idea of being with Rose terrified him deeply. “My exact words, remember? You’ve seen me regenerate. And both of my regenerations you found attractive…were attracted to. But I haven’t always been as devastatingly handsome as I am now, Rose.” The last statement was a failed attempt at levity that she didn’t buy. He looked at her seriously this time. 

“If we get involved, and something happens to me and I regenerate…well there’s no telling what I’ll look like when that happens. No telling if I’ll be old, or fat, or have two heads, or warts…I could look like anybody. And you might not want me anymore if I am.” 

“Doctor…” The pain in his expression was so acute that it made her ache for him. She wanted to touch him, to erase all the doubt and fear from his face until all that was left was happiness. 

“Don’t, Rose,” he almost pleaded. “Don’t say you’ll always want me no matter what. You can’t make that kind of a promise.” 

“You’re right,” she whispered after a long pause.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his voice sounding as pained as hers. 

“But that doesn’t mean I won’t always love you. I don’t know much about regeneration. An’ I know that maybe one day the change could be too much. But I also know that it could be a lifetime before that happens. Why do you have to dwell so much on what might happen?” she demanded, refusing to give up on him. “Why can’t we just look at the present?” 

“Because it hurts too much!” He yelled, unable to hold back. Pain and anger bubbled to the surface and he desperately fought to hold it back. “I’ve lived for so many years. I’ve lost so many people and I’ve survived it every time. I’ve gone on. I could handle it if you walked away from me because it was time. I could live through that. I don’t think I could bear it if you left me because you didn’t want me anymore…if I was no longer good enough.” 

She stared at him for a moment, unable to believe the depth of fear and sadness she saw in his eyes. She knew he cared for her, but never in a million years did she think he cared so deeply, so completely. 

“This isn’t going to be something that ends in a happily ever after no matter what happens. Don’t you think that when I leave it will break my heart as well?”

“It’s the why of it that scares me, Rose.” He whispered. “It’s the why of it I don’t know if I can handle.” 

“An’ what about me then?” She countered, feeling that if there was any time to bring up her own fears and doubts, this was it. “You said I could spend the rest of my life with you. Did you mean that?” 

“Of course,” he replied, though they both knew that she wouldn’t. They never did. The kind of life he lead wasn’t a restful one. There would come a time, he knew, when Rose would no longer want an adventurous life, but a quiet one. 

“What about when I get older then? What if I decide to stay here the rest of my life, an’ get old while you stay the same? Would you still want me if that happened? Or would you jus’…cut me off, once I got too wrinkly or slow?” 

“Rose, I wouldn’t…” he trailed off, unable to believe he could think so little of her. “That’s…” 

“Shallow?” she supplied, “yeah, it is. But ’s true. You left Sarah Jane behind so you wouldn’t have to see it happen. You don’t really want me to stay with you that long, I can see it in your eyes.”

“There will never come a time when I don’t want you.” Despite his better judgment, he reached out and took her by the shoulders, laying one hand flat against her cheek and closing his eyes at the feel of her so close, so willing. “I don’t care how old you get. You humans, you’ve got it all backwards. You worship youth, thinking it’s the height of perfection to be young and beautiful, but you forget all about wisdom and experience. You’re not finished becoming who you’re meant to be. You need to age for that, need to experience life, learn more about who you are. Age will only make you more perfect to me. Age will make you…” 

“Decay,” she interrupted with a quiet whisper. She still couldn’t get the look on his face when he’d said that to her out of her mind. The sheer fury in his eyes over the human life cycle haunted her, even now. “Wither an’ die.” 

“Yeah, that too,” he acknowledged. “Though I shouldn’t have put it quite so coldly. Age is beauty, but it’s also death. And it hurts to watch. It hurts so much to keep losing people. It will hurt to watch you die. But you’ll only become more beautiful to me before you do. I need you to know that.” 

“What does it matter?” She broke his gaze angrily and stepped away from the embrace. “You’ve made your decision. You want to go on thinkn’ we can stay best mates forever. I don’t have forever. I jus’ wanted…I wanted at least a moment. A moment where you loved me as much as I love you.” 

“I want that too,” he exclaimed, eyes bright with need. “But it’s what happens after that I don’t know if I can go through.”

“You’re a coward then,” she said simply, though she had to fight to keep the tears at bay. As soon as she spoke his gaze hardened and his eyes went cold. She had a sinking feeling she’d gone too far. 

“Maybe I am,” he murmured sadly. “Maybe I’m too old to love anybody anymore. Too old to be emotionally useful.” 

She reached out to him, needing to find some kind of connection that would keep him from closing down completely. To her surprise, when she took his hand he didn’t flinch, didn’t pull away. She closed both hands around his, as if holding onto him would make everything OK. 

He looked at her sadly, but said nothing. She could sense his fear and the sensation was new to her. She had never known him to be afraid and uncertain – not like this. She could see the defeat on his face, and knew that years of loneliness and pain would be hard to overcome. But she also knew the feeling of his lips on hers. She knew how desperately he had clung to her. She knew how it felt to have him want her with a hunger she hadn’t thought possible. She wasn’t about to give up on it that easily. 

“You kissed me, Doctor,” she reminded him softly. “You kissed me. You can say it was a bad idea all you want, but you did it, an’ you can’t take it back. ‘S different between us now.” 

“I know,” he said, his tone a mix of regret and desire. “I’m so sorry, Rose.” 

“Don’t be,” she said, pressing her body close to his. Without even realizing it, he had wrapped his arms around her waist. She was warm, and young and so alive. Instantly he felt himself come alive – as if awakened from some long self imposed slumber. He clenched his teeth, trying desperately to ignore the traitorous response of his own body. It was clear she felt it, too. 

She kissed his chin, ever so slightly but it was almost enough to crack his entire resolve. He could feel his hands begin to shake, even as he clutched her more tightly. Nobody had ever had this kind of effect on him and it was both terrifying and exhilarating. 

“You think I’m not attracted?” She kissed him again, “that you aren’t emotionally useful?” 

“Rose,” this time his voice was a guttural plea, but he was no longer certain what it was he was pleading for. Her hands were wandering over his body now…under his jacket, undoing his tie, feathering his neck with soft, ever so breathless kisses. He could feel all his hardened resolve crumbling. 

“I’m here,” she murmured in his ear. “I’m not going anywhere. You have so much more to give than you know.”

“What?” he asked, his voice so quiet he wasn’t sure if she had heard him. He sounded like a small child, lost and alone. “What can I give you beyond danger and death?” 

“Just love me,” she said, stepping back and meeting his eyes fully. “All I want. For however long it lasts. I don’t want anybody else. Jus’ you. Whatever happens, I c’n handle it. I am stronger than you think.”


	6. Chapter 6

She was. He could see it now, clear as day. Why had it taken him so long? All this time, he told himself he had been trying to protect her, but that hadn’t been it at all. He had been lying to her, but more than that, he had been lying to himself. She had been right all along. He was a coward. She was strong and he was weak. It was he who was scared of losing her – so scared he had been ready to go a lifetime without ever knowing what it was like to be with her. 

But it was more than that. She was different from the others in a way that frightened him. She had healed a part of him that he had thought forever damaged by the time war. She had given him cause to hope that he was still worth saving – that there was still good in him. The thought of her rejecting him someday was more frightening to him in some ways than losing her through the ravages of time. If she could no longer look at him with the affection in her eyes that he saw now, he didn’t know what he would do. 

And yet, she knew the risks. She knew what heartbreak awaited her if they took things further. She knew there could be no happy ever after for the two of them and she still wanted him. She still found him worthy. If she could brave the challenge ahead, then maybe he could too. Maybe, there was still hope for him. 

She was still looking at him – gazing into his eyes as if trying to determine what he was thinking through sheer force of will. His beautiful Rose. He suddenly felt the catch in his throat and emotion overwhelm him. He looked away, embarrassed at the tears he felt in the corner of his eyes. He hadn’t cried in hundreds of years – not even when he destroyed his own world. Yet this tiny human could bring him to his knees with a look. 

“Doctor?” Her voice was soft and inquisitive. 

“I’m here, Rose,” he whispered finding his voice despite himself. He looked back at her and met her gaze with his own. Taking her in his arms, he leaned down and kissed her finally with full intent and everything he had inside of him. She felt it, responded to it and wrapped her arms around his neck – urging him on. 

After what seemed simultaneously like forever and not nearly long enough, they parted, both flushed, out of breath and smiling.

“That mean all this rubbish about attraction ‘an ‘getting old’ is no longer a proper excuse?” Her voice was light and teasing, her eyes dancing back and forth flirtatiously. 

“Not at all,” he replied with a lightness in his heart he hadn’t felt in a long time, “I think the attraction between us is only the beginning. As for getting old….” 

He kissed her again, thoroughly and completely. 

“I can’t wait to get old with you.”


End file.
